The Subversion of the Shire
by Arcturus81
Summary: Moral relativism and cultural Marxism threaten Middle-Earth. Minor crossover with Animal Farm.


The white pig, Snowball, was racing across the long pasture that led to the road. He was running as only a pig can run, but the pursuing dogs were close on his heels. Suddenly he slipped and it seemed certain that they had him. Then he was up again, running faster than ever, then the dogs were gaining on him again. One of them all but closed his jaws on Snowball' s tail, but Snowball whisked it free just in time. Then he put on an extra spurt and, with a few inches to spare, slipped through a hole in the hedge and was seen no more at Animal Farm.

He ran and ran, further and further, stopping only to rest and think, while keeping himself hidden from most. Eventually he made his way to a strange land, far from Animal Farm.

Moving hidden amongst the undergrowth, he came upon a meeting of two men. The first was tall and dressed in white robes, with a long straight white beard, and hair, and carrying a staff. The other was swarthy, with great bushy black eyebrows, a low brow, dark scornful eyes, and a sneering mouth.

As Snowball crept closer, the latter man exclaimed "I thought you were dead! I heard Wormtongue slit your throat!"

"It takes more than that to kill a Maiar!" came the reply.

The shorter man obsequiously threw himself to his knees.

"I should kill you where you stand, coward! But fortunately for you, I will spare your pitiful life, as I desire your help in getting my revenge on Gandalf, Frodo and Elessar."

Snowball knew those names, for while he spoke to few, he had taken care to learn the politics of the land.

"What is the plan, Master?" the man grovelled, getting up off his knees.

"I am currently working on it." replied the other.

The astute Snowball realised that these men could be of help to him in his own plans, and made himself known, coming out of the undergrowth.

"Forgive me for interrupting, but I suspect we could be of help to each other. I too hate Elessar and Gandalf, and the system for which they stand. I have thought of a way to overthrow them."

"Keep talking, pig!" stated the man in white, who Snowball was later to know as Saruman.

"I was involved in a revolution that attempted to give equality to all creatures, but it failed to spread and was subverted by a foul pig named Napoleon."

"All are not equal, but I like your talk of revolution" said Saruman.

"Since then I have been doing a lot of thinking and realised what went wrong."

"In order to lay the groundwork for revolution, the existing culture must be destroyed and a new culture must emerge. We must begin a gradual process of destroying all traditions, religions, government, family, sexual restraint, law and order in order to re-assemble society in the future as a utopia. This utopia will have no notion of gender, tradition, morality, God, the state or even family!"

"I call this philosophy 'Cultural Marxism'."

Snowball continued "I propose the following specific 11 point plan:"

"1. The creation of racism offences.

2\. Continual change to create confusion.

3\. The teaching of sex and homosexuality to children.

4\. The undermining of schools and teachers authority.

5\. Huge immigration to destroy identity.

6\. The promotion of excessive drinking.

7\. Emptying of churches.

8\. An unreliable legal system with bias against victims of crime.

9\. Dependency on the state or state benefits.

10\. Control and dumbing down of media.

11\. Encouraging the breakdown of the traditional family."

Snowball paused.

"We must also promote the idea known as 'moral relativism'." he continued. "The idea that right and wrong (or good and evil) have no absolute and objective standard, but are merely determined by culture."

"But could not then such things as murder and rape be said to be moral, providing society approved of them?" interrupted Saruman.

"We must promote this philosophy in order to undermine culture, tradition and morality" replied Snowball.

"I see"

Saruman spent a moment deep in thought. He stroked his beard, then uttered an exclamation.

"If I cannot rule, no one shall! I am with you. Down with Elessar! Death to Gandalf!"

"I've got nothing to lose" said the shorter man "I'm with you too. The names Bill Ferny."


End file.
